Playoff Fever

“Always calm under pressure, no need to act ill...”

2Plump

Thrasymachus: Yoyoyoyoyo you heard about 2Plump?

Socrates: Yo I heard he's mad nice, been killin on the mixtapes plus son can freestyle

T: Word, where he's from?

S: I heard the Bricks but maybe Haiti, cause he speak French too

T: French?

S: Naw but don't get it twisted he be all about flavor. Mad flavor.

T: Like who?

S: Like if Chub Rock got with Biggie then they had this kid, but the Fat Boys raised him -

T: [interrupts] like in that movie?

S: Disorderlies? Naw, they was nurses. I'm just sayin tho-

T: [interrupts] ...and Chub Rock and Biggie are both dudes, you saying what I think you-

S: Naw listen kid, be easy. 2Plump be killin it all thru the summer.

T: You say grillin?

S: No doubt!!! And now you know the true meaning of Summer.In other words...

Breaking news: Classic American Warm-Weather Tube-Meat Grill-Dongs now come in four flavors: mind still boggling, erogenous flavor zones reeling.

That's right kids. D'Artagnan now makes Hot Dogs and they are delicious.

The what: Beef, Buffalo, Duck and Hog logs from this highly-regarded meat fancier.
The why: sustainable, small-farm meat; no antibiotics, hormones, additives, fillers or nitrates.
The how much: four-packs run about $7 or (for the “fancy” flavors) $8.
The skinny: each dog is nearly twice as big as, say, a Hebrew National standard. So it's more like an 8-pack.
The fat: indeed. 2Plump – which is why they hold up so well on the grill despite being skinless.
The taste:

• Duck: Our surprise favorite. But now we're just surprised no one else has thought to make a duck dog. So juicy you can hear the quacking. Great flavor, distinctive but recognizable and totally enjoyable. Even your friend who scoffs at “pretentious food” will love these.
  
• Buffalo: Another distinctive crowd-pleaser. Darker and gamier. “Real Buffalo taste” in every bite. Good with a dab of mustard. Also makes a great segueway to fake story about the first time you went “hunting for Venison.”
• Pork: Heritage pork mixed in a smooth, pale link. Plump, fresh flavor reminiscent of a German-style wurst.
• Beef: Perhaps the least unusual of the lot, but still delicious. Worth keeping on tap because, strictly speaking, this is the only link that qualifies as a “hot beef injection.”

Taste The Love

Do you remember those 80's Reeses Peanut Butter Cups ads, good reader?

They would set an unlikely stage – at the opera, or playing Intellvision – for someone to accidentally “stick their chocolate” into a peer's “peanut butter.” The results were far more wholesome than the imagery suggests: culinary miscegenation proved less sexual innuendo than flavorful eureka; and the collision of parts always yielded a titillating whole, a candy bar that dared ride “up the down escalator” en route to gastronomic ecstasy.

Or something like that.

Regardless, mixing two different types of delicious seems like Sound Flavor Policy. Particularly if said types include bacon and ham. As fate would have it, this is precisely the hook of our latest Ham Of The Month: a wonderful “double dip” flavor explosion sold by the fine folks at Di Palo's. And it goes by the name of porchetta.You Dropped Your Bacon On My Ham!
Before I get annoying emails correcting my choice of words, let me remind you that this is not the rolled, roasted suckling pig sold from the backs of trucks throughout Central Italy. It's still a big log of hog, but it's 100% ham – and at $12.99/lb., it's one of the Best Cold Cut Deals In Town.
Stack that on your bread and eat it
Imported from the Lago di Garda (halfway between Milan and Venice), Di Palo's porchetta is a pork loin wrapped in pancetta with rosemary and peppercorns. Slice it thin, and bask in the wonder: smoky and salty interior, sweet and creamy fat, herb and pepper aroma. The effect is nothing short of arousing, a cornucopia of flavors best savored over a bit of hearty Italian bread.
Sal DiPalo – like his brother Lou (top pic) – are masters of the slice
I first had it on recommendation of Sal Di Palo, one of the third generation of co-owners at this Grand Street institution. In a city besotted with neophyte yuppie foodie boutiques and self-satisfied go-green psuedo-organic haunts, Di Palo's is somewhat of a rarity these days: a real-deal respite where each customer is welcomed like a guest at an overflowing table. Hospitality and generosity (with their time and samples both) are the guiding principles. Which is how I came across their porchetta. Lingering at the counter and talking meat with Sal, he cut me off a slice. One bite and I was sold (1/2 pound to be precise), and eager to spread the gospel of this unique, memorable ham.Dropping flavor since 1925
So run down and buy some. And while you're there, give thanks that the Di Palo's have been going at their own gloriously deliberate pace since 1925. This is a family in the know, and everything about their small, stuffed storefront exudes confidence and easy-going charm. Take the inevitably long time you will spend on line to peruse a selection of goods from throughout Italy (most from farmers and producers they know personally), and look forward to that moment when your number is called and porchetta is nigh at hand. Which is to say, Di Palo's is less a “specialty store” than an experience to savor; especially if you dive in ham-first. Can't you just taste the love?

Di Palo Fine Foods
200 Grand Street (at Mott Street)
Little Italy/Chinatown, Manhattan
(212) 226-1033
Open daily from 9 - 6:30 (4pm on Sundays)

Score One For The Slab

J. Slab is the Paul Wall of this here Pork game: “The People's Champ” back with another snackfood smackdown.

And this time we have... results!? Straight from Haagen-Daz. Our initial letter and their response scanned below; click to read.Check the technique: that haiku is an original.
What they don't tell you: Haagen-Daz only started selling GT IC in the US of A a few weeks ago. So I stand by the Donkey comment.
And finally: the fruits of our labors.

They also sent two 50-cent coupons (!!!!) which inspired a parting haiku. I call it “From Winter Chills Arise Spring Breezes, Freshness, Health, Prosperity and Vegetables: A Meditation on Cheap Corporate Clowns.”

Spring brings grass and warmth
Pillsbury shares their great wealth
A buck to Slab's health!

Pork Diva, pt. 4

Pork Thespians, pt. 2

Robert Downey Jr. on the pork promotion circuit.

Pork Thespians, pt. 1

Millburn Delicatessen

I watched Brando's The Wild One last week and – correct me if I'm wrong – learned that “pack of teenagers”=“nothin' but trouble.” Yet not long after, I happened across a gang of kids loitering... peacefully. No drag racing, no monkey knife fights, no festive leather, no Excessively Loud Music: just bashful stammers and polite manners. Whence the rebelliousness? What tamed the teen beast? Why so calm?

Two words, good reader: Millburn Delicatessen.
The Millburn Deli isn't far from NYC but it feels worlds away: peaceful and old-tymey, Cheers-without-beer, a neighborhood destination with warmth to spare. This is the sort of place that names its sandwiches, and if you order the right combo – a Thanksgiving-esque “Gobbler,” say – they might ring a bell or let out a yell. Personalized license plates and “Murphy's Law”-style jokes adorn the bright checkered walls, along with goofy paintings, bumper stickers, and random mementos. And to be honest, this aggressively homey style usually rubs me wrong. But nothing about Millburn feels pushy or contrived. It's all from the heart, and their lack of slickness is utterly refreshing.Neat counters make for...Sloppy Joe(s)
As for Millburn's most popular offering? The mighty Sloppy Joe. They use normal rye loaves (as opposed to a long Pullman), so expect some crust. And don't look for butter; years ago they stopped “stroking their loaves” to lessen the “mush” factor. Not that this is a neat and clean affair; our Joe arrived living up to its name. We tried, and thoroughly enjoyed, the ham and turkey combo ($7.75): mounds of moist house-roasted turkey, Boar's Head ham and fresh Swiss slices held together by an unabashedly creamy slaw and tangy Russian dressing. Served with a nice thick sour dill slice, the finished product exhibits both restraint (it's half the size – and price – of Town Hall's Joe) and devil-may-care abandon (read: memorably messy). Grab a bag of Mama Zappa's spicy chips, and wash the whole affair down with some of Millburn's famous sweet lemon iced tea.Andrew Morgan offers some of Millburn's finest
We didn't make it during rush hour and can't vouch for the service during “lines-out-the-door” time, but Millburn Deli exudes some serious late afternoon hospitality. This attitude starts at the top with the Morgan family, who grabbed the reins in 1991 from the Jacobs (owners since 1946). They modernized the old school German menu and surroundings, and added a few newfangled items to the menu. But the Sloppy Joe was, and remains, the biggest draw. Rightly so. It's worth the quick jaunt from Midtown, especially if you're craving some double-decker action. And don't sweat the locals; in these parts, the Power of the Sandwich tames all.




Millburn Delicatessen
328 Millburn Avenue
Millburn, NJ 07041
(973) 379-5800

Open daily from 8am-6pm. Regular Joes run about $8; “double meat” is $10 if you roll like that. And, as always, the helpful NJ Transit site provides directions from Manhattan.

Note: they don't seem to have seats, so plan on eating outside or taking yours to go. If you're a complete pile, they can FedEx a Joe anywhere in the US of A.

Town Hall Deli

The sign outside Town Hall Delicatessen reads “Birthplace of the Sloppy Joe,” and it's not entirely accurate. Said honor goes to Havana, and the swinging 1930s hotspot run by José García Río. Which is to say, the Joe is almost as old as Castro... and its Cuban.

But Town Hall holds a different distinction in this messy double-decker's history: First in Translation. At the behest of an enthusiastic sandwich-eating card-playing mayor, TH made the first New Jersey Joe back in 1936. So on our Sloppy pilgrimage, it seemed only right to begin here.Tony Wonski talks messy sandwiches with hygienic gloves
Town Hall has been around over 80 years, but all you need to know is that Tony Wonski took over in 2003 – and then promptly shut down for renovations. He saved an old phone booth and black iron railing (which now guards the sandwich station), then gutted the place. He also asked anxious locals to voice their priorities online – more parking, new menu, s/m dungeon, etc. – but the top request was simple: bring back the Sloppy Joe.Don't Front: new brick building houses old school flavor
This is, after all, a sandwich with a devout following... and Town Hall makes one of the best. They start with a unique loaf of pullman-style rye, cut lengthwise. Three long thin slices are buttered, and carefully stacked with Swiss cheese and two different deli meats. Healthy heaps of homemade slaw (crisp, acidic, lightly fermented) and Russian Dressing (made with the terrific house mayo) top things off. Stack, cut in eight neat squares, then get to eating.
Make it Sloppy: tongue-folding and knife-stabbing are key
Each Joe has a name, and we started with “The Favorite” (Turkey and Roast Beef, $15.99; add $2 for house-roasted turkey). The first words that came to mind were “freakin' sweet.” This is a quality sandwich, harmonious (crisp slaw, creamy dressing, tangy cheese, savory meats) yet also surprisingly light. No mean feat for a massive double-decker that weighs in at over 2½ pounds.“The Original”: Sloppy Joe made with sliced ham and tongue
“The Original” – ham and tongue – was a bit saltier, but we liked biting into some history. Sliced tongue also brought back memories of my Grandad pressuring me to eat stuff that seemed intuitively nasty. So live a little, grab a grip of people (each sandwich feeds 2-3), try a few combos, and see what moves you. Because something will.

Far be it from me to send people out to Jersey, but this is a sandwich that merits the short stint from Manhattan. A Sloppy Joe sounds simple enough, but something about the preparation and execution - the ritual and tradition, the thoughtfulness and care, the squares wrapped up in a large cake box – makes the trip wholly satisfying. It's something you want to savor at least once, for flavor and uniqueness alike.

And who knows, you might even find yourself like us: stuck a few weeks later, looking at the pictures and awash with the urge to eat again. We feel like ex-smokers who quit but still hunger. The Joe hooked us in, and – logic be damned – still has us fiending for more.


Town Hall Deli
60 Valley Street
South Orange, NJ 07079
(973) 762-4900

Sloppy Joes run from $16-$18, depending on ingredients. Half-sized available for $9.

Nervous in New Jersey? Check out the NJ Transit Trip Planner link for door-to-door directions. Plan on a 30 minute journey from Penn Station.